Sex! Mm… I would like to believe that every person that is sexually active wants to engage in pleasurable sex. It is a given that every individual has their preferences thus making every sexual encounter a unique one. With experience comes a degree of sexual confidence and when coupled with communication will more than likely lead to great sex.
However, the aspect of performance comes into play. Firstly, let me clear this up the term “performance” creates a sense of pressure, an expectation to be met yet in actuality I would like to shift the connotation to fantasy. I have previously spoken about how sex is to some degree a form of communication and I stand by that. Sex indulges erotic fantasies that cannot be pleasured by conversation or gifts. I could ramble on and on about the benefits of sex for an individual and a relationship but the topic of conversation for this piece is “bad sex” or more particularly what would make a female bad. So I asked guys (aged 18-26) what, in their opinion would constitute her being bad and what they wished she would would do more or be willing to try.
Here are some answers I received “can’t ride dick,” “vice grip handies,” “better with rhythm and synchronization, can’t grind against my grind ya feel?” “Neglect of the balls,” “I wish she would be willing to try out more positions,” “[that she would try] anal.”
There was a general consensus when it came to the following answers. “Don’t just lay there like a dead fish” which translates to a lack of participation on her part. This goes hand in hand with the aforementioned inability to ride and lack of rhythm. As well as initiating sex and taking the lead.
Another popular answer was “faking it” or “overacting.” If you have ever watched porn, in good or bad taste, you will know that more often than not it is synonymous with a woman moaning loudly, perhaps even yelling profanities but mostly sounding unrealistic and put on. Every girl is different this every reaction is different. If she is a loud one then so be it, if she communicates through body language cool story bro and if you get a girl that can do both then you done hit the jackpot. All that her reaction needs to be is genuine no matter how it is expressed. That being said, the aspect of compromise comes into play, if a certain reaction would elicit vigour -which in turn would induce better sex- then do it every once in a while, engage in the fantasy.
In addition to these, a common answer was being with a girl that wants to give head but is really bad at it. In Amine’s Caroline, he is basically having a conversation with his boys about his new betty and mentions “shorty really blow the pipe, like a pro” this is not the first mention of the male enjoyment of blowjobs in music and it certainly won’t be the last. So if blowies are a part of your sexual relationship then she has to be good unfortunately this is not about all the the girls who give five star blowjobs. This is about the not so great. She may be teethy, or as mentioned above have a death grip on the pipe, neglecting the balls and some even specified that she lacked “technique.
There differences also vary when it comes to sex with a new person versus sex with someone you have had sex with be for or are currently. New partners are found based on chemistry and sexual tension thus building -consciously and unconsciously- an expectation and when the moment arrives the chemistry might dwindle or there could be a sexual disconnect or even an awkwardness and nervousness about foreign territory. You know what you bring to the table but you and your partner may not be dining at the same restaurant.
When it comes to sex with a familiar, the concept of foreign territory is not an issue here. However, if switching things up is not an option here the sex may become redundant, the passion and enjoyment could wane leading to not being present in the moment and the act simply being a duty.
I would say it boils down to the trio of communication, experience and confidence. Surely if you can have sex with one another you can talk to one another or at least talk about sexual likes and dislikes. Also be open to learning not only new positions and such but learning about your partners personal preferences and how you can please them better because this will more than likely be reciprocated. Experience also allows you to understanding being taught how to do something better or to your partner’s needs does is not something to feel bad about. This too allows you to learn your personal preferences thus leading you to communication this to you partner. These two aspects tied together build confidence, making future conversations and sex-capades that much easier to engage in and learn from.
P.S. all images are from the Instagram account: inifinity.beyond.art3