We live in a society where relationships are put on pedestals this is depicted in social media hashtags such as couple goals or relationship goals. Pros of being in a monogamous relationship means you have one human who generally is within geographic proximity, knows or shares historical background with you and has what I like to call a mental sync with you (not necessarily that you are the same person but you get one another). This means –in a healthy relationship- that this human plays the role of your immediate support structure, confidant and your alternative voice of reason. Being single you do not always have the luxury of having all these characteristics in one person (shout out to all the best friends in the world you guys are amazing!). Personally having recently left the nest the friend with whom I share a history with is no longer the same friend I share geographic proximity luckily I share that “mental sync” with both of them, however, this does not mean I only have two friends. Different aspects of my life enable me to compartmentalise what one would have in one person into my several friends.
Often the depictions of single life are usually miserable and lonely or wild and promiscuous or this blissful journey of self-discovery. In actuality it is a combination of any of these as well as other aspects. I would be a liar if I said I never get lonely but it is only momentarily because boy oh boy do I love my own company, my dry humour is great, I make a great cup of tea and I always win arguments with myself. On a serious note when you surrender yourself to who you truly are and have the capability of being you begin to really grow. This is a gradual process and is not all sunshine and daisies. I personally am coming to terms with “ugly” aspects of my character which is not at all fun but in delving into the causes of this ugliness it makes it easier to be a better person. I have found myself now asking what if I find myself to a degree which I do not allow someone else to be a part of my life… Though it is a bit of a scary thought it is normal given how much I have come to self-reliant. In terms of living in the present I am single for a reason thus must be content with who I am at this point in my life. If and when a person comes a long I hope it will come naturally for them to fit in my life and me into theirs and if not as in any healthy relationship, compromise is key.
Being a third, fifth or even seventh wheel is something have believe I have mastered. It is easy as I play the role of photographer whether it is taking the grossly cute photographs of them or taking amusing selfies of us with me holding candles. If I am not already friends with both parties I make the effort to do so. One of my life mottoes is “its only awkward if you make it awkward” and this is highly applicable to extra wheeling. If you find yourself struggling to be this wheel perhaps because you’re simply coping with it. Coping stems from many things most like you are making comparisons i.e. the pros of a relationships versus the cons of being single which is an unrealistic comparison as no two relationships are alike as well as whether single or with a significant other ups and downs are a norm. Coping also stems from being too involved in a couples relationship. Playing mediator is not a bad thing however you are not a therapist nor are you a part of their relationship so take a step back.
There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, grasp that. Besides at Steers I can eat both burgers on Wacky Wednesdays, when I third wheel at Spur that third steak in the three for two special is mine so I’m pretty much winning.
Later from the salmon!